I sometimes think no matter what my guild situation is, I will never be perfectly happy with it. And I don't think that's necessairly a bad assumption or something to be looked down upon. Obviously, I would rather be happy with my guild all the time, but the fact is that guilds are made up of, well, different people and if your mode of communication is guild chat (pixelated words without tone or inflection) then things are sometimes going to come off wrong and people are going to be miffed or hurt or defensive. I go through a cycle of these feelings with my guildmates all the times, even the ones I feel really close to so I think a state of "never quite completely perfect" is natural, most of the time.
That being said, lately I have been feeling the loss of not being an officer anymore. I have been with the guild since it started and only stepped down from being an officer about two months ago due to my hectic work schedule and slight burn out. Stepping down was definitely the best choice. It took so much weight off my back and it was nice to log on and not really have any "responsibilites". I could do what I wanted, when I wanted!
Now that work has evened out though and I'm no longer traveling on business, I miss having the authority to smack people down when their being borderline idiotic or thoughtless. We have a mage in our guild now that is essentially Mr. I Know Everything There Is To Know About WoW. He offers advice when it's not needed or wanted, he has a thousand and one ideas of how to do things bigger and better than what we've got in place now, he feels the need to try and tell everyone how to be better, get better gear -- wait, that all doesn't sound so bad, does it? And it's not, it's really not. It's the way he presents these ideas and opinions.
The other day one of our hunters asked in guildchat where she could buy tier gear. We told her she could go to Dalaran or the Argent Tourney for Tier 9 and suddenly Mr. Mage pops up.
"Hold on, let me RAWR you and tell you exactly what you should get."
I would have said, "Hey, if you want, I can run RAWR real quick and you can see which pieces might be better for you." If I say it like that, it's more of a question, a suggestion really, and my guildie would not be under any obligation to listen to me if she didn't want to. This is what bothers me about this guy - he doesn't present things as options, it's more "here's what I think and here's why I'm right" or "we did this in my last guild and it was awesome so we should it here", etc, etc.
Sadly, after he looked up our hunter (who is rarely online and doesn't raid) he blurts out in guildchat, "WHOA, you really need to get some gear!"
This just burned me up. Our guild does not focus on gearscore. We're there to have fun and we very often carry people through raids that are not geared for the content. We do NOT carry lazy folks who don't bother working on their toons, but we certainly don't mind bringing a slightly ungeared guildie along so they can get some loot they'd actually use.
To me, it was entirely inappropriate for Mr. Mage to pass judgement on the hunter's gear in guildchat. If he wants to talk to her about her gear, fine, lovely, but do it in whispers. Our hunter did not respond to the above - probably either embarressed or annoyed, I'm not sure which - but I did. I just couldn't help myself.
My exactly reply was:
"Hey now, gear isn't everything. :)"
I put the smiley in there so he would know I wasn't yelling at him, but trying to subtly make a point for him to drop it. He replied:
"I never said it was, GeeBee," but he used my full name as if he were scolding a five-year-old. I had to zip my mouth shut after that or risk saying something regretable but it made me wish I was an officer again just so I would have been able to whisper him to tell him we do not address an individual's gear issues in guildchat - or at all, really, unless it's hurting the group as a whole, which it was not. Was what he said really wrong? Not really, it's just the way he comes off - as sort of superior, I guess - that makes me want to take him down a peg or two.
The reason I'm telling you all this is because of a post made by Tam recently. It got me thinking about things that irritate me within my guild, about how the way people say things can really affect my perception of them. Mr. Mage is probably a perfectly nice human being. I just wish he would think a little more before opening his mouth, make an attempt not to sound as if he's deigning to help those less fortunate than himself.
What's possibly more uncomfortable is that I want to like him, I really do, I can see where he's trying to be helpful - but it's his presentation of his help that always ends up rubbing me the wrong way. Probably doesn't help that I'm the boat-rocker, the one who can't keep her mouth shut and has to call people out when they're being ridiculous.
And maybe that's my own annoying habit - Miss Can't Keep Her Mouth Shut And Go With The Flow. I'm not mean about it, but like with the mage, I thought his remark was careless and so I responded. I felt I had to say something so that our hunter would know that we didn't care about her gear, we liked her and knew she didn't have a lot of time online and that was okay with us.
So, Mr. I Think I Know Everying and Miss Can't Keep Her Mouth Shut. I'm sure we make quite a pair.
Whether or not I will become an officer again remains to be seen. I've been told I'd be welcomed back at any time but I'm not sure the pros outweight the cons on this one. Not yet, at least. Until then, I guess I just need to learn how to deal with those who aren't always as polite as I think they should be. Who's to say I'm any better anyway?
In slightly better news, I wanted to report that things with the other holy pally in my guild are going... alright. I have not spoken to her about my concerns. I sort of wanted to see how things played out, but our exchanges have seemed better and she responded to something I posted on our forums with laughter, which I thought was a good sign. I'm hoping things on that front are slowly improving. It's not all patched up yet, but I think it's getting there. If it gets worse, I'm taking everyone's advice and talking to her, until then though, I'm sorta hoping she gets over it on her own.
Ah, guilds. Without them, what would I have to post about?
